PICK ME! PICK ME!!

Attention all single ladies, please form an orderly queue. Walk, don't run.  The opportunity of a life time is about to present itself and you really don't want to miss this. 

I was perusing the on-line personals over my morning cup of tea when I found this gem (no word of a lie!):

Name: Herpes Man
City: Brisbane, Queensland
Sign: Cancer
Height: 6'0 or 183 cm
Age: 37
Gender: man
Seeking: woman
Body type: thin
Religion: other
Hair colour: brown
Professional: business

About me:
Hi, I am a 34 yr old aussie boy looking for long term relationship.

One catch, i have Herpes 1 & 2, lucky i get next to no symptoms however it is in my blood. if you need to know about it, please google, there is stacks of info regarding relationship, precautions etc.

I also have back problems.

Im interested in yoga, travelling, food, cooking, relaxing,business.

I have an inquisitive mind and like to get to a persons heart and find out what they are really about.

Slim pickin's

Again, it's been awhile between posts but by the time you finish reading this entry, you will understand exactly why!

I'm still kind of seeing BP, and the disaster of a shithouse relationship we had when I last blogged about him has kind of mutated into a strange friendship, loosely based on support and mutual respect.  We still hook up regularly but somehow seemed to drop our guards and get really comfortable with each other and have actually become quite good mates. 

So we've been spending quite a bit of time talking and hanging out and with his encouragement to keep looking for a man who can make me completely happy (he openly admits he can only tick a few boxes), I've called a hiatus on the 'Off Season' and put myself back in the game

(BTW - I know that doesn't make much sense... "the horrible ex that I'm still sleeping with has become a good friend and is encouraging me to date and find someone better than him to settle down with".  I fully get how mental that is, but have given up trying to understand it or fight it and am just going with it.)

So I've ventured back onto the internet, with mixed results. 

Firstly I started chatting to a really cool guy who is living in Japan but is moving back to Brissy early next year.  Lets call him JS.  I really liked the sound of his profile and felt like we had a good rapport going, but it's been a week and a half since I last emailed him with no response.  Not sure if he's busy or lost interest or died or whatever, but can't be bothered to dwell on it, so I've been sussing out what else is out there.

Any sadly, there isn't much.  A few lueke warm prospects but nothing good enough to get me hot under the collar.

For those of you who have never had the pleasure of internet dating or have been too nervous, then brace yourselves, because I'm about to share a doozy.

This guy sent me a couple of emails and while still very much in the 'getting to know you' stage, decided to go with this (note, I won't correct his typos, just so you get the full affect):

"Hello again,

Yeah, Camping is cool... but you realy need some one to go with. I don`t mind getting away from it all and escaping.. But then like to bring some of the mod cons with me! Yeah that doesn`t make sence...

If ou had like a house on some land.. you could probibly have a camp fire.. But i don`t think they let you do it everywere. I know some camping places you can`t now.. it`s gas only..

I've been working on special water testing probes at work for the last few weeks. Out of the first batch of like 16 probes.. on 2 have made it to the final tests (and may ultamately fail..) Been realy demorilinsing... you put all the work into them.. and get nothing in the end!

But my second batch is looking better.. i have 8 probes (1 complete batch) have all made it to the final final tests! will find out tomorrow if they are all good!

Then i have to go onto the remaining probes... and see if i can figure out more was.... to figure out what is going on with them!

I know it might sound borring.. but each prob is diffrent.. so has alot of variety!

My car is an older Pulsar.. It`s a good car.. but everthing wears out in the end and needs to be replaced... And you know what money pits cars can be!

Anyway.. hope i haven`t borred you to much...

What does your weekend hold? Any palns?

Tim."

I still don't really know what this guys does for a living.  I'm assuming from all the 'probe talk' that he's in some kind of science field but really couldn't find the strength within myself to reply to this email, hence I never found out.

So yeah, internet dating is awesome again so far!  But I have a sneaky suspicion there is going to be PLENTY of fodder for blogging, so stay tuned : )

The Off Season

Sorry for those of you waiting on baited breath for the next instalment, but I've had a quiet couple of weeks*.

This is mainly due to family commitments, a pre-planned 'girls' weekend away', an all-girls hens night and my new theory about 'the off season'. 

As Brisbane starts to steam up with the blanketing humidity that we can look forward to for the next four months or so, I've slowly realised something that I possibly have been practicing for a few years now, but never fully realised. 

This realisation has sparked my latest theory...  that the summer is the 'off season' for dating.

The reasons for this are threefold.

Firstly, there is just too much fun, social stuff going on right now.  It seems that most of my coming weekends are filled with Christmas parties, weekends at the beach and planned catch ups with friends to celebrate the longer evenings and warmer nights.

Secondly, Christmas and New Years is the most awkward time of the year to be establishing the boundaries of a new relationship.

And thirdly, I love a warm sunny, day, but it is just really challenging to look composed in 35-plus degree heat.  I'm just too hot and sweaty to bother with the full hair and make up routine that is required when making good first impressions on dates. My foundation begins the slow, melting, descent from my face as soon as I step outside my house in the morning and, quite frankly, I just couldn't be arsed to try and stop it.

Therefore, the pro-active search for a life partner subconsciously gets shelved until late Feb or March (i.e. Autumn) when the days start to cool, the social life dries up somewhat and I start thinking about the pending winter months and how nice it would be to have someone to cuddle up with every night.

But fear not, there is still plenty of scope in the 'off season' to have some fun, should the opportunity arise, so stay tunes and see what goes down.

* I decline to either confirm or deny the rumours that there may have been some inappropriate contact with BP since deciding to put a stop to those shenanigans.  However - if there had been any ongoing contact (and I'm not saying that's the case!), then it definitely wouldn't have meant anything and would only have been for the purpose of a little tension relief and light entertainment.

Survey says...

Well, dear readers, I have heard your cries for more and agree that it is time for an update. That last you heard from me, I was recovering from the disastrous lunch date with GP.

After finally calling it a day, I thought I had put that whole awkward situation behind me and was free to move on. Turns out, not so much...

Late that evening I was enjoying some beverages with friends, celebrating the end of the working week and just generally how fabulous we are, when my phone beeped with an email from him.

Curiosity got the better of me and I checked it to discover GP was asking for an assessment report!

I quote:

"I would like to take the (unusual for me) step of actually asking you for feedback. Like everything in life, dating can be improved."

Unbelievable, right?!

He went on to ask a series of questions including 'What do you think is good about my on-line profile?', 'What would you recommend changing about my profile?', ‘Any feedback you may have re me as a date companion' and 'Any other comments or thoughts?'.

I was torn between being shocked at what an incredible dork this guy was turning out to be, and really feeling sorry for him - as I assume it would have taken quite some courage to ask for what could potentially have been unpleasant critique.

After a few days of pondering, I decided to respond and attempt to offer some gentle, yet hopefully helpful advice.

I began by complimenting him on his 'dating 'technique' and profile (after all, he made it really easy to set up a place and time and was a perfect gentleman), before gently easing into the 'however'…

"While I fully believe that its important to be yourself and honestly represent who you are, such obvious openness can come across as a bit overwhelming.

"I could tell as soon as meeting you that 'what you see is what you get' and you weren't holding anything back. That can be a really good thing because it showed you were comfortable with who you are and I got a sense of getting to know you very quickly.

"But maybe its that age old classic of 'leaving them wanting more' and keeping a little bit of mystery? We started delving into some very big philosophical conversations straight away and I enjoy intellectual stimulation but it might be a good idea to keep things a bit lighter while you're still getting to know someone?"

With a deep breath, and a quick prayer that I wasn't about to deeply offend, I hit send.

Thankfully, GP replied quite quickly thanking me for my constructive feedback and saying he would take my advice on board.

As for his assessment of me? Well, yes he did return the favour.

After complimenting me on my 'gorgeous' profile photo (which he described as very honest and reflective of who I am in person) he summarised with a final impression that I was "a friendly, smart and articulate women with a zest for life."

What can I say, he's only human!

Analyze this...

So I had lunch with GP on Friday, and unfortunately there were a distinct lack of sparks. 

He was nice but sooooo BOR-RING! he just kept going on and on and on with random boring stories. I couldn't say anything without him replying 'Oh, that reminds me of this one time when..."

He would ask me a questions, sit patiently through my reply and then launch into the BIG long story about something. It felt like the question was just an excuse to bring up a topic that he could talk about.

Like, he asked me what made me decide to take up rock drumming lessons this year, and after my response (of a suitable length), he launched into this monologue about how he...

"Finds it SO fascinating that I'm learning the drums... I love how people have so many sides to them, its so fascinating - it's like everyone has their own world made up of so many unique and different parts... and there are all these different worlds in the universe.  Like, every person is a mosaic made up of tiny little pieces or elements and they make up a bigger picture. And depending on which angle you look at them from, you see a different side... That reminds me of the tiles in my grandparent's old bathroom. There were lots of tiny little tiles and each time I looked at them I'd see a different picture. It was so amazing. It's like those 3D pictures where you see unicorns and stuff sometimes. It's so fascinating. "

By this time I was face down asleep in my Caesar salad.

We vaguely discussed seeing a movie next Wednesday night and he suggested 'Eat Pray Love'. No way Jose! The last thing this guys needs is more life philosophy!!!

After escaping lunch I walked back to work, pondering the best way to nip this thing in the bud and avoid any future 'Dr Phil'-type sessions, only to get back to me desk to find an email saying what a great time he'd had and did I want him to pick me up for the movies on Wednesday.

Since most of our interaction had taken place over the email, I decided it wasn't too inappropriate to let him down in the same manner.   Hence I sent a carefully worded response, letting him know that I enjoyed lunch (Lie!) and even though he was quite lovely (true), unfortunately I wasn't sure that the chemistry was there for us to have a romantic relationship.

He responded very graciously, saying that he understood, hoped I found someone special soon, and wished me the best of luck. 

What a relief.  Nice guy, but not for me! 

Alarm bells

I got to work this morning, prepared for my lunch date with GP (i.e. open-minded and positive) only to be greeted with the following email… 

Good Morning Beryl

I hope you had a good night sleep, you need to be well rested, after all you never know what the day may bring!

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

Live life as if it was your first day,

Live life as if it was your last day,

Life live as a gift,

Live life with honour and integrity,

Live life with compassion,

Live life with passion,

Live life.

Well, that is enough for my whimsical frame of mind this morning : )

GP

My face fell, my heart sunk to the pit of my stomach and loud warning bells started ringing in my ears. 

After about an hour of crisis talks with friends, I replied with:

Good morning,

Wow, Not really sure how to respond to that one...  Not used to starting my day with a motivational pep talk!

B

Thankfully my subtle message must have hit home, as he replied with:

I hope the email did not throw you off too much. I find that on the 30 minute bus trip in my mind wanders and things like what I sent to you just float through my mind. I am definitely not an ‘up there and at em, we can conquer the world’ type of guy.  Generally, I start laughing when hear that type of stuff . . . hmm . . . maybe in retrospect my email was a bit strange. Oh well, a bit strange is also part of who I am, it helps to balance out the serious analytical side.

… and then called me to apologise again, and make sure I wasn’t going to stand him up for lunch.

Feeling slightly less panicky, I assured him no permanent damage had been done, and we were back on track. 

I guess this is growing up

I've decided that I need to move on from the dysfunctional, 'bad boy' escapades of BP. 

There are a lot of great things about him… like the hours upon hours of banter that keep us awake until the early hours and have me in stitches with laughter, or the fact that he’s amazingly physically affectionate, or the way he talks about his mum, or the moments when he lets his guard down sometimes so I catch a glimpse of the vulnerable boy inside, or how he looks in his tradie uniform…  in his big truck … with his messy, dirty hair and sexy three-day-growth beard … and his big hands and brooding eyes.  

Ahem.  Sorry.  Lost my train of thought there for a minute. 

But there are unfortunately an equal amount of bad things about him.   Like the way he pushes my buttons with sarcastic remarks to wind me up into an argument when he knows I’m bothered by something.  Or the way he points out ‘prettier’ girls and asks me to ‘get them for him, for his birthday’ (yeah, NOT cool). 

Even though I know that there isn’t a future there, cutting him off really hasn't been that easy.  I know it's an age-old question but, seriously, What is it about those bad boys that makes them SOOOO hard to resist!?

Oh thats right, it's the fact that they reek of testosterone, are sexy as hell and the emotional highs and lows they subject us to can be as addictive as crack cocaine. 

Not to mention the dirty, mind-blowing bedroom escapades.

HOWEVER...  dirty bad boys are for playing with in your 20's.  Whereas your 30's are for finding someone functional, caring and ‘grown up’ to settle down with. 

And this is why I accepted a blind date with GP last Saturday night. 

I met GP (an accountant for a university) on-line and after only four days of emails (I should point out - very charming, open, warm and sensitive emails) he asked for the pleasure of my company for dinner.

Deciding that rather than pro-long the inevitable (and potentially waste a few weeks of good internet dating energy on someone who I might not have a connection with in real life), I accepted.

Now, GP was ticking every box. 

• He was interested and pro-active (without being pushy or creepy)
• he suggested a few very high-end, classy venues for dinner but invited me to chose any place that I'd be most comfortable
• he thought of a meeting place that would be easy to find, public enough to not be intimidating yet private enough to allow for that awkward 'first meeting' moment without too many people to witness it.
• he invited me to chose the wine at dinner and made sure I had the best seat at the table
• he was charming and chatty and easy-to-talk to during the meal, comfortably covering any uncomfortable silences and making me laugh with his silly stories
• after dinner he walked me to my car, gave me a kiss on the cheek and then stood there while I drove off to make sure I got away ok
• then followed up about 20 minutes later with a text message saying he had a lovely time and was looking forward to seeing me again.

Now, any girl in her right mind would be getting rather excited at all of this.  It certainly sounds like the kind of dating experience we all hope for.

But for the life of me, I wasn't able to work out why I wasn't swooning at this guy's feet. 

It was very hard to put my finger on but I think I finally worked out.  He was just kind of boring. And 'dorky'. Not that dorky is a deal breaker, but as he relaxed with me more, the dorkiness escalated to a scale that is probably inappropriate for a first date.  

Like his enthusiastic explanation of his fascination with fantasy comedy novels.  He described them as being set in a world similar to the 18th century but with witches and warlocks roaming the streets.  Hmmm. 

Anyway.  In the interest of keeping an open mind and not jumping to conclusions, I've agreed to go out with him again, just to be sure.  I’ll keep you posted, we have a lunch date on Friday.

SWF looking for SWM w GSOH...

OK, so I followed up on the blind date option that our mutual friend had been spruiking about and it turns out the guy was a bit of a mad keen outdoorsy type.  I am the polar opposite of a mad keen outdoorsy type.

While this guy sounded nice enough, he is apparently very 'active'.  Whereas the closest I come to perspiration is the cold sweat that breaks out at the thought of striding around the countryside climbing and paddling and shooting and kicking and pedalling (all of which this bloke is into!).

I’ve tried to be the outdoorsy girlfriend and really, really sucked at it.  I am just so much more comfortable spending my weekends sharing laughs with loved ones over dinner or drinks, checking out a live gig, pottering around at home cooking or baking, going to the movies or to see a show/comedian, shopping or going for a drive in the country (preferably in the vicinity of a winery).

Hmmm, does that sound like an extract from an on-line dating profile?  Well that’s probably because it is.  Yes, I have just finished dusting off my ‘e-persona’ and decided that after a six-month hiatus, I should upload, go live and give the collective on-line single male community another go.

I’ve had mixed luck with on-line dating.  I’ve met some really normal, lovely and interesting people whom I’ve gone on to have relationships with … but have also come across some very bizarre, deluded, unstable and downright depressing characters.

Like the 36-year-old medieval re-enactment tragic who has left his wife of 17 years a mere three months prior and was sure we’d fall madly in love, if only I agreed to meet him in person. 

Or the mono-brow science guy who used his first email to tell me all about the cultures he’d been growing, how it took about seven attempts but they were finally taking off and … well, I kind of drifted off after that.

Or the toothless, mullet-ridden, wife-beater-wearing, dole-bludger who wasn’t ready to be shackled down to just the one lady but was up for a ‘good time’ if I was.  I wasn’t.

So here we go again, wonder what awaits me!

Aint that a kick in the head

Why is it that a soon as guy has f*cked me around enough to make me fully lose interest, he seems to start being nice again... and despite my best attempts to ignore him, to remind myself how appalling his behaviour was and refuse to get drawn back in, I find myself staring at my phone, willing it to beep in with a text. 

I was seeing BP for about 6 weeks before his erratic behaviour, his hot and cold attention span and his unfounded enjoyment in 'pushing my buttons' to wind me up into an argument grew tiresome and I wrote him off and we called it a day. 

Ironically, in the conversations we've had during the 3 weeks since then, he's been open, warm, funny, thoughtful and interesting.  So with much apprehension, I agreed to meet up with him two nights ago to catch up over a FRIENDLY dinner. 

And BAM. It's almost as if, by having 'the chat' and deciding that we weren't cut out for a relationship, the pressure immediately came off and the natural, relaxed interaction that sprung up in it's place is exactly what we couldn't find before.

So here I am again... distracted at work, wondering if he is also fighting 'second thoughts' that maybe there could be a chance at something developing between us.

One thing is for sure.  I am definitely not going to mention it to him. If something is starting to plant roots and get ready to blossom, the LAST thing I need to do is smother it with obsessive compulsive analysis.

No.  Instead, I will accept that invitation for a blind date that a friend has been trying to set up and put BP out of my mind.  For today anyway!